So I'm just gonna drop this bomb. It is not directed towards everyone, but toward certain people, and is important for everyone to know. For those of you who are not being directed, don't say I didn't warn you!
As I have said in my previous blogs, I am 21 years old. Twenty-One years old. I am not a little girl any more. I have reached the time in my life where I need (and will) make my own decisions, learn from my own mistakes, wear what I feel comfortable in, and will do what I feel is best for me.
Some of you have been:
A)Telling me what to do
B)Telling me how to do
C)Telling me what to wear
D)What or how to say
E)Acting like you know me better than I know myself
F)Comparing me to other people
This is where I draw the line:
STOP!
Just stop.
No More.
No Mas.
I couldn't be more serious when I say this. You do not do A-F. ESPECIALLY not F. You don't EVER compare me to another person. If I want your guidance or advice I will ask for it. If ANY of you continue to do this, you will be gone. REGARDLESS of who you are.Why will you be gone? Because it's pushing me away. Smothering me. Stressing me out to the point of where a bridge will turn to ash. That is how bad it is stressing me out. That is how bad it is pushing me away. This is something that can not be fixed easily, or maybe even fixed for that matter. Forgiveness? Sure. Truce? Don't hold your breath on it; It's not a sure thing. Some of you think that I'm just overreacting. Well news flash, I'm NOT. This is how I truly feel.
I will decide what's best for me. I know what's best for me, because my heart will tell me. My heart knows.
Listen, I don't give a fucking two shits if you've been around the block. That doesn't mean you know what's best for me. You're not in my shoes! Some of you think that I have it easy right now.... NEWS FLASH. I don't! What, I watch tv alot? Yeah. I don't have to wake up early? Yeah. I have a lot of free time? Yeah. None of this means that I have it easy, right now. There is more that's going on with me besides this.
Now there's some things I would like to discush' with some of you.
1) Job & College: Right now, all I honestly care about is getting into college...getting accepted into the college I choose, starting my life with college. (By the way, I had second thoughts about Tribeca. NOT because of what anyone said, just for my well being, financially-wise. So I found another school that's closer to me and cheaper.) Once I get college all settled and know that I am enrolled and all set to go, THEN I will put my mind on a job. Listen, I have been TRYING to get a job for a long time. I TRIED. Am I giving up? No! I'm taking a brake. It's not my fault that I cant hardly get in anywhere. I put in tons and ton of applications to different places, some places more than once. I don't wanna hear anyone telling me that I was not doing a whole lot. I did what I could! I don't want anyone telling me that I must not of really wanted a job, because that is a crock of shit. It would be wonderful to have a job, but I can only do so much. I'm not gonna put all my time and effort into job hunting when I've been working at it for about 2.5 years and hardly anything. What you all need to know is that I was trying my hardest and that is what counts. There are other stuff that are also extremely important to me that deserve to have my time, effort, and attention as well. College is number one. It's been two years since I've been out of school. It's time that I start placing myself in a college and get the proper training and education that I want for my career. It takes time to find the right college for you. Not to mention, taking time to fill out the applications and essays to get you accepted.
2) I don't care what you guys say about the film business. I don't care about what you say about my chances. That talk is junk. That talk is doubt. That talk is fear. That talk is narrow minded. I'm not scared of doing what it takes to pursue my dream career. Chances? This IS the chance to make it happen. It all depends on you: how much you put into it, how much you believe in it, how much you believe in yourself. "When you want something more than anything, you've got to give it your all." (Quoted myself.) So stop wasting your breath by giving me this pep talk about film business. You're wasting your time, because I'm not listening. This is where I'm going, what I'm doing. It's what I choose to pursue. And I WILL pursue.
3) Some of you guys really need to stop comparing me. In case I didn't make myself clear enough: I'm 21 years old and being the best lady I can possibly be. I've got my own life, my own issues, and my own plans. I will do what I can in MY time, in my measurements. So don't compare me to this person about how much more applications they put in, don't compare me of how I should dress more like this person, don't compare me of how much the other person has done, and so on. If you're one of the people that compare me to other people, then you'll probably be one of the first to go. I'm not here to compete against other people. I'm here to fulfill my life and to be myself.
4) A lot of you really need to stop complaining about when I cuss. For pete sake, I don't cuss often and when I do, most of you act like I've been cussing for the last five hours. I know you all cuss! I know you all do. Give it a rest, and if you don't like it so much then why are YOU cussing? Seriously though, it's here and there that I do cuss.
5)There's more that I could address right now, but I think I've made most of it clear.
I love you all, but if you want to keep the love then I suggest you stop doing A-F. This IS theeee final call. I'm not repeating any of this, unless you didn't read this blog post.
Creatively Speaking,
